Readabout 's Managing Diffilcult People

How to Conquer Difficult - Example

Example of a man and woman in a situation that could turn difficult:
I am so sick and tired of doing the entire freaking housework around here while working to complete my jobs too. This is so unfair. You have the best end of the deal, since all you do is go to work and sit your butt on the couch watching television while I work all through the night.

How should he respond?
So, what I am hearing is that you feel overwhelmed of your workload? Is there something I can help you with that will make you feel more relaxed?

This man just used his brain to hear what was said to him, and although his mate called him a lazy bum, he ignored this trigger and confronted the problem in a positive manner.

What if he did not use his head and took the parts of the words his mate was saying to the fullest understanding.

Reply:
You called me a lazy bum. I work all darn week to put food on the table and keep you happy. I don't get any respect around here. You never appreciate what I do for you.

He is wrong now because he sit up a defense that will heat up the argument. The word you is a, I'm going to knock you out, every time tool.

What he should have said is I feel sad you think I am lazy. I really feel like I do what I can around here. If you would like me to help you do something, just ask me nicely and I will get it done.

Throwing fuel on fire will only lead to bigger problems. Just because someone is calling, you names don't mean it is true. The entire problem would not exist if the mate was helping with chores around the house; therefore, he is part of the problem.

As you can see, defining the problem is important. If you feel like lashing out at the time the argument occurs, remove you from the scene, by saying, I need to think through this situation so that I can find a resolve. If you lash back, you will only make the problem worse and it will make you a bigger part of the problem.

Example
A mother and child are in a disagreement. The child gets in the mother's face and aggressively states his problem.
Child: Every time you drink a beer, we end up arguing, since you change and I am the target of your lectures. You throw me out each time we fight.
Mother: I am sick of you blaming me for what you do. Every time I drink a beer, you get in my face with the same line of crap, which are all lies. You are the one that causes the problem and I throw you out because you treat me like dirt.

What is the problem? The child is telling his mother that he hates it when she drinks beer. The child feels threatened. Therefore, the problem is a fear that the child has developed by the mother's behaviors and habits. How could the mother have dealt with the problem?

She could have stepped back and listened carefully to see her child was feeling afraid. She could have moved on and said something like, well honey, I am so sorry you feel this way. I drank beer to relax sometimes and don't mean to cause any harm. In the further, I will wait until you spend the night with your friends before drinking beer, since I realize it bothers you and makes you feel afraid.

The mother recognized the problem and need her child was experiencing. The mother relaxes the situation by using endearments, recognizing the child's fear, and attempting to relax his fears. It is always wise to deal with situations in a positive and friendly manner. Anytime you keep it positive, simply, real and friendly most times the difficult person will relax.

By Readabout's Handling Difficult People Team

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