Readabout 's Managing Diffilcult People

How to Conquer Difficult People - Challenging the Bully

Bullies are all around us. A bully comes in all forms, including school bullies, angry people, pushy persons, annoying bullies, and the list continues. The question is how we can conquer the difficult people in our life, without conforming to their way of thinking.

Needs is the root of all problems. Yet the root of needs is fear. Therefore, as you deal with the problem learn to define the problem by understanding the roots of the problem.

Here is the root of all problems in perspective. Fear-needs-desire-envy-hate-confusion-lack of trust-inferior-wants-misunderstanding----the list continues.

Now that you see problems have roots, you can start seeding the garden now by searching through what it takes to uproot the difficult plant.

Growing a garden is difficult, since you have to know what to do to grow the garden, as well as fight to keep pests from destroying your plants. Likewise, a difficult person is hard to understand, since many pests are planted in his mind that is causing a disturbance. What is the disturbance is the question?

If it is a bully you are dealing with, someone in his history made him feel less than equal to others. Therefore, he strikes out with aggression to make his self appear stronger than he truly is.

If the person is angry all the time his needs and development stage was interrupted and never filled. Fear is the ultimate root of the problems we face today.

A pushy person often failed in life, since someone may have handed him everything on a platter and he was denied the right to work for what he wanted. Therefore, his fear is possibly feeling unaccepted or denied, while his need may be to fulfill an undeveloped need that is misunderstood.

Regardless, if a person is saying to you I can't do everything at once. Her fear is failing. The problems answer is simple, yet many fail to see the root of the problem, simply because they do not have the basic make up a person down. Let's review a situation and see if you can pinpoint the fear, the need, and the resolve.

A woman becomes angry with her husband and children sitting in front of the television as she works to clean the house. The house is not particularly dirty; it is just not to her liking. The children and husband bite back, saying why are you always complaining. An argument starts since now mom's feelings are hurt, dad's feelings are hurt, and the children are feeling unhappy.

What is the fear? Mom fears that she is less than adequate if the house is kept perfectly clean, which is impossible in the first place. The children and dad fear that they have displeased mom. The relaxing moment for the kids was interrupted, now a need to relax is present. Mom is obviously feeling a need for her husband and children to help her.

What can we do? We can learn to forgive since no one is perfect. We can learn to accept that none of us is perfect and mistakes will occur. We can also learn to lower our expectations so that we don't expect more than we can do. We can also learn to appreciate what we do as people.

Now, dad and the children could do their part to see what it is that mom needs by understanding her fears. Apparently, mom fears inadequacy, therefore the children and dad could learn to appreciate her by praising her on occasions she does something good for them. Dad and the children could also tip in to help her out around the house sometimes so that she doesn't feel overwhelmed at her duties.

Mom can learn to relax and set a time schedule for house chores and relaxation time. We can see that if everyone works together we can conquer the difficulties that come our way.

By Readabout's Handling Difficult People Team

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