Readabout 's Managing Diffilcult People

How to Conquer Difficult People - Examining You - I

Examining you and I means you will examine the entire problem including your part in the problem. Sometimes a difficult person is the one with the problem; however, it is always wise to examine you as you work to confront and resolve the problem.

Nevertheless, you and I means something difference in this article. You and I means learning to use the "I" statements while dealing with someone difficult, instead of the "you" expressions.

Comparing You to I
Blaming - You make me sick
Judging - You are one stupid human being
Labeling - You are a pig
Making accusations - You only care about your self
Commanding - Get out of this room, now
Argument - Your brain is mixed-up
Threats - It would be in your best interest to shut-the-hell up now
Moralizing - you would be wise to do
Criticizing/Analyzing - you can't stand to hear the truth

Comparing I to you - Expressing feelings
I feel very hurt and angry with you now
It hurts my feelings when you criticize me like this
I feel hurt and confused when you neglect me
I feel sad an hurt when you argue with me, or yell at me
I feel you have a good point
I like your ideas
I feel sad since you don't seem to want to hear what I have to say

See how the "I" could prove more beneficial in conquering the difficult person. As you learn to use the "I" and avoid the "you" to downgrade an argument, you should also learn to paraphrase. Paraphrasing proves beneficial in making the difficult person think about what he/she is saying.

Paraphrasing and using "I" will make the person feel appreciated, since he/she is aware that you are listening to what is said. The person will also feel less reluctant to argue, since paraphrasing will cool the anger and prevent a disaster. The strategy will also put an end to misunderstandings, since each word said will have clarification. This means not all the untrue assumptions, mistakes and so on will exist in the conversation. It will also help you to remember your answer to resolves, and your plan to conquer. Paraphrasing then, is moving all the obstacles out of the way to reach and understanding.

Using "I" instead of "You" while paraphrasing is a proven strategy that has conquered difficult conversations; you can also consider the strategy making the best of a bad situation. Instead of viewing the argument or mistakes the person is making as a bad decision, think of the situation is an attempt to accomplish. You will also need to cultivate a reduction of expectations, as well as using the UAF strategy.

U- Understanding
Acceptance
F - Forgiveness

If you can't understand the problem or person, likely you will be the conquered in the situation. If you can't learn to realize that people make mistakes, since we are all imperfect, thus you won't be able to accept or forgive, which is important to conquering the difficult person.

For instance, Jesus forgave his enemy up to 77 times, and still continued forgiving there after. If one perfect man can accomplish this, then it shouldn't be difficult for you to accomplish this mission also. In fact, Jesus feed his enemies, and if you think you are better than Jesus is, then you have some serious issues and conquering difficult people should start with you.

Now to get started on conquering the difficult person you will need to understand the problem. Ask questions so that you can see where the real problem lives, and work toward a plan to deal with the problem by analyzing carefully and debating ideas that may prove beneficial in conquering the difficult person.

By Readabout's Handling Difficult People Team

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